


you found me

by camcradi (buttrileskissed)



Series: angst-akes [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, Listen here, Multiple times, NO ONE ISACTUALLY DYING OK, SO PREPARE, i am putting myself in hell with you guys, might turn into a reveal fic ????, they watch each other die, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:12:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6110484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttrileskissed/pseuds/camcradi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i keep having dreams where i watch you die and i just want to keep you safe, do you understand?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> after watching the hell that is noragami my fingers just sorta did the writing thing and i didn't stop them
> 
> you see... i don't know why this happened because of noragami but it did
> 
> if anything it's after reading dream fanfics too much. anyway, their dreams are connected and the poor children keep dreaming about each other dying.  
> maybe i just wanted an excuse to not only start my angst-akes series but also to write them dying in multiple scenarios...

**3 AM.**

Another sleepless night. She sighs, pulling the covers over her head. She just wishes she could stop thinking about that stupid reckless cat. Whenever she looks at his face now, all she can see is those same broken eyes as in her dream, so scared and hurt, but also so relieved. Why does he look relieved? There's a puddle of blood underneath him and he gives her this look. One that's telling her that he'll be okay. It's hardly comforting that he makes the same face in battle, when he throws himself in harm's way to save her. 

It's so like him to look at her like that. Telling her that everything will be okay while taking every single blow. Sheltering her. It's so far from shelter because she can tell, she can just tell how much pain he's in. 

She rolls in her bed, burying her face in her pillow. If only he could come and confirm he was okay, maybe then she could rest easy.

It's hardly the first time she's had this dream though. Every night this week she's dreamt the same dream. Same Chat. Sometimes she can't tell if it's a dream. It all seems so vivid to be fake. Sometimes she's trapped in a glass box, rendered powerless as she watches him die. His screams aren't muffled, she's just trapped. She can't save him and she has to watch him suffer time and time over without a way to stop it. _Stop it, stop it, Chat... save yourself._

But he'd do it for her sake. He would die in her name. That's what makes the dream all too real. She knows he'd do it. She knows he cares enough for her that he would give his own life, and it terrifies her.

She can still hear his scream, his plea for help and his smile. His signature grin telling her that he'll be okay. He will be okay. Blood splatters on the glass, obstructing her vision, and she wakes up.

Sometimes she wakes up in tears, others in a puddle of sweat. She's woken up mid scream before, confused as to why the room is black and why she can see. She fumbles around, feeling for Chat's lifeless body only to discover that she's in her room.

Tikki tells Marinette that these dreams could just be coming from the miraculous. Other Ladybugs trying to lay to rest, trying to warn her, and she tells her to be strong, and she tries.

But she can't help but wonder... why?

* * *

**2 AM.**

The tears pooling in the holes of her mask is telling him that something is very clearly wrong. She's saying... something... but he can't exactly make it out. His hearing is drifting, in and out, in and out. She screams his name, but she can't hold him. There's blue, but the sky isn't clear. There's water, but it isn't raining. He's warm, but it's winter. He can't feel her arms around him any longer but he is going to live. He is going to be okay and there isn't going to be a reason for her tears. What got him here? Why is she crying?

Why is there red? What's with the blood?

If he was panicking, he wasn't making much of an effort to do so.

Instead, he kept his head up, his Lady paralyzed next to him, a look of pure horror on her face. What lies in front of her is Chat Noir in danger, very clear danger that he cannot see, and she cannot save him from. Drawing in a deep breath of courage, and releasing it with fear, he mustered the best smile he could. He was really tired, and God did his abdomen hurt like a bitch, but Ladybug... she's worried and he has to make sure that he's okay... So he smiles.

A shot rings through the air, a piercing sound within the silence. The only thing louder than Ladybug's cry.

He wakes with a start, catching his breath.

 _That's the fourth time this week..._ He groans, shoving his face in his pillows.

He never gets any explanation along with the dream, he just knows he's dying and that his Lady is in distress because she can't help him. At all. It's like she's trapped, paralyzed, and she looks so traumatized because it's like she knows what's coming next. 

He tries to save her from this fate with a smile but to no avail. He won't be okay. She has to watch him die, no doubt for her. The worst part is that he can't ever tell if he's asleep. He'd throw himself in harm's way any day to keep her safe, and he knows she hates that but it's the truth.

But why does he keep having these dreams? She's watched him die at least four times, and in turn he's watched her die at least four times, and it doesn't cease until they see each other and he can confirm that she is okay.

Plagg tells him not to worry, that he's just so in love with Ladybug that he's afraid to lose her in battle, and there may be some truth in that. There may be some truth in the fact that he may lose her in battle or vice versa, but this oddly specific situation has popped up multiple times. He knows somewhere in his heart that his Lady is too careful to actually let herself slip into Hawkmoth's hands, but he can't help but wonder...

Why?


	2. Chapter 2

When she sees green, she pairs it with red. Not the red of her suit, but rather the deeper crimson shade of his blood. When she sees his smile, she gets uncertain and weary, and her heart is controlling her emotions rather than her mind. Her heart skips a beat when he rushes to protect her, throwing herself in the face of danger in his stead, and being the person he is, he doesn't approve. He hates the way she looks at him, with the worry adamant on her features, sketching a very intimate picture of pain. She's been having those dreams too, he thinks, but doesn't lighten up. She shouldn't need to take those as a sign.

So, he does what would probably upset her the most, but makes him feel like he can protect her in the slightest, and tosses himself in the midst of action, charging the akuma with a very prominent aura that says "Fuck you, look what you're doing." Irrational at the very least, because it's what all akumas do, they fight. But he doesn't care that they fight, he cares when it affects his Lady in such a manner that she should never be affected. He cares when the fear in her eyes is clearer than Paris's blue skies. He cares when she's charging in front of him with every blow. He can hold his own, and she needs to see that.

However, she eventually pulls him back. After three minutes of him having his way with the akuma, she finally takes him out of battle, telling him to come up with a strategy amidst other things like "What were you thinking?" and "Why are you so reckless?!" He admits that he can certainly be brash but this might've taken it too far. They're a team. They should work as one, not as individuals who are worried about the other.

When he sees blue, he pairs it with white. Not the white of the rest of her eyes, but the white of the pain he felt. The white of the pain she felt. The white of the drifting clouds around them. The white of the shine as her tears fall on his face and oh god it hurts and all of a sudden, white isn't a pure color. White is pain. White is horrid. White is the light he had to travel through without her. White is the color of drifting. Blinding. He hates it. 

He also hates when she points out his recklessness. Her worry, it's white as well.

Because worrying is pain.

* * *

It always feels so real. Even in daydreams. She can still very clearly see the blood, very potent is the blood snaking it's way into her nostrils. She hates the smell of copper. The bitter taste it leaves on her tongue. It makes her sick thinking about what would happen if she left him alone, and yet she can't be by him 24/7. Can she take her dreams seriously? Was Chat Noir going to die? What's with the haunting sensation she felt when she thought about him? Like a ghost he lied next to her, constantly on her shoulder. Constantly pulling her down. She's fully aware of his presence.

She wishes she didn't have to imagine it anymore. 

"Marinette." She hears his voice. It snaps her out of it. Chat is alright... Chat is alright. Chat is... Chat isn't there. It's Adrien. She shook her head. How had he sounded so much like him? She shook away the thought.

"What? Sorry. I wasn't paying attention." She scratched the back of her neck, flipping her paper over when she realized that she was scribbling on it.

"No, I just want to make sure you were okay. You seem sort of out of it, that's all." He sounds so much like him. He'd probably protect everyone at the cost of his own life, just as Chat would. She flinched at the thought. 

"Oh, me? No, I'm fine. I'm just peachy, I promise you." She replied a little too fast for his liking. He crossed his arms, not in a begging manner, but more in a 'You could talk to me, y'know...' way.

"Okay." He replied simply, strolling away from her desk. "You know you could talk to me if something's bothering you. The bell rang. It's midday break." He reminded her. She thanked him with a smile.

"I know I could talk to you. Thank you for that. It's just... a little complicated, I'm not sure I could explain." She picked up her bag. She had to get away from him before she started stuttering. 

He hung his head for a second. "I could try to understand." He picked it back up with a friendly smile.

"I'm sorry, Chat." The words rolled off her tongue before she could stop them. Holy shit she was really, really out of it. She didn't notice the brief flash of panic in his eyes.

"What...?" He questioned. "What did you just say?"

"No! No, I'm not implying in any way that you are Chat, I was just, I was thinking about him, and you at the same time so it just sort of slipped off my tongue. I'm sorry!" She nearly shrieked. He shook his head, letting out a relieved laugh.

"Oh... it's fine." He noticed his ride showing up through the window. "Well, I've gotta go! If you want to talk later, I'm here." He flashed her a bright smile. It shot an arrow through her heart.

* * *

 

But when an akuma busted through their second story science window, a different kind of pain shot through her heart. She nearly launched herself in front of him when he jumped in front of the class to protect them. He could've seriously gotten fucked up, and he would've gladly done so. She dug her nails in her palm as she ran out of the classroom to transform.

_Stupid, stupid blonde haired protective boys._

Ladybug tumbles into the room as does Chat. On cue, they fight, their movement nearly mechanical. Chat clearly has something weighing on his mind, but Ladybug decides it's best not to push, considering that she also has something bothering her. Throughout the battle he seems... distracted, in a way. Not like, the protective kind of distracted as Ladybug was for him, but the kind of distracted that weighs on your mind as you leave. As out of it as he may be, Ladybug ended up distracting herself with his off-putting behavior. She barely noticed when three metal bars spawned right in front of her. In a weak attempt at dodging the surprise attack, she spins her yoyo violently, flinching as she braces herself for an impact that never comes.

It really hits hard. Not only the realization, but the metal bar flying into Chat's gut. Ladybug shrieks at the impact, as if it were her getting hit. She immediately rushes over to him, with little effort to keep the enemy at bay. She merely ties her yoyo around it.

"Hey, you alright?" Her voice sounds almost too panicked. He gives her a weak thumbs up.

"I've gotten hit harder than this by your yoyo." He chides, but with no fire behind it. She shakes her head, still unconvinced, but realizes that he'd get hit harder if she didn't at least divert the enemy's attention from the fallen Chat. She yanks the yoyo she previously wrapped around it, tightening the grip, making the akuma squeal in pain.

The rest of the fight goes as expected. They cleanse the akuma, they reverse the damage. Everything goes back to the way it once was, and they can go back to how they always do. Secret and secretly suffering.

"Wait," Ladybug, no, Marinette, breeches their routine. Chat cocks his head.

"What is it?"

"You... you seemed distracted today. Are... is everything okay?" His stomach pangs as he steps toward her. He doesn't want to lie to her, he just doesn't want to tell the full truth. He can't look at her eyes too long without seeing red. He shivers at the thought and looks down, biting his lip.

"I-yeah, everything is fine, Ladybug, you really don't need to worry." He blatantly lies to her. She purses her lips in disappointment.

"Why can't you meet my eye right now, Chat?" She softly demands. He looks up slowly, this time not seeing red, but blue. He sees blue and he realizes that she's okay and concerned and in front of her.

He shakes his head. "Sorry, it's stupid, m'lady." 

"Nothing you say could ever be stupid." The warning beep of her earrings prompts her to back away. "However, I can't really stay to chat, Chat." He grabs her wrist, and lingers for a second, searching her face. Ladybug lets him, knowing he probably needs this, and that she has to do this in some way too. He's okay. He's not bleeding and he's alive. And green is paired with black as it should be.

Everything's the same as before. Chat smiles weakly. Of course it is. She's strong and not dead and not bleeding and she needs to leave and that's how it's supposed to be. He finally lets go of her wrist, and with a quick wave, she's gone.

* * *

"He's so _stupid!_ " Marinette shouts, pacing back and forth in her room. The pitter patter of rain on her window is no longer calming, her circling is starting to make her dizzy. She groans as she flops on her bed. "He always protects me! Why? Those could've been _knives!_ What if he got _impaled?_ What if he _died?_ I don't think I'd, or whatever past version or whatever the hell, dream version, nightmare version of me would ever be able to forgive me but it's because he's so _stupid_ and always has to protect me and... and..." She takes a deep breath, putting a pillow on her face to muffle her next words. "And I _hate_ it!"

"He doesn't value his life nearly as much as you, Marinette." Tikki says, in an attempt to get her to listen, but it just sends her on another rant.

"I am well aware, there's no need to remind me." She groans. "He'd probably die for me and that's so scary and I just... _why?_ Why must he be the way he is? So protective, and kind, and compassionate and..."

"And..?" Tikki presses.

"And _stupid!_ And what scares me the most is that when he actually dies I'll never be able to accept it because it'll all just feel like that same bad dream." She chews on her lip. "Not that he's dying anytime soon or anything... I hope. And the stupid fuck says I don't need to worry, well, damn, maybe that makes me worry more! Ever think of that?" 

"Marinette, I get it, I really do. Chat is very, very frustrating and very vague and I don't know why but he can't help the fact that he cares about you to the point where he would sacrifice his life for you. You'd do the same thing. And I guess that scares you."

"I'd never be able to forgive myself if he died trying to protect me. I don't think I'd ever accept it." She admits once more.

"You've been at this for hours... Mari... I'm getting pretty exhausted, maybe we should both try to get some sleep." Tikki prompts with a yawn.

"I don't want to sleep. I'd think about... y'know... that." 

Tikki giggles. "You can't stay awake forever."

Marinette tries to test that theory after Tikki turns out the lights. For the longest time, all she can see are the boards holding up her ceiling, but eventually she drifts away.

Panicked green eyes. Blood, blood everywhere. But not on him. He's okay, he's alive... and that's great. She's just really, really tired. He's saying something, and smiling, so he'll be okay, and hopefully she will be too. 

She feels something cold and wet touch her cheek. It's bright and starry outside though. She cocks her head, seeing Chat hold a hand over his face. She reaches out to wipe his tears, but her hand is red. All red. She's not in the suit. Something is wrong, very, very wrong. She tries to breathe, but it hurts. She tries to move, but it aches. He gives her a smile, but it's not reaching his wet eyes.

"I love you." The words leave her lips before she's ready to say them. Her vision fades before she could stop it. He mouths the words back, but his voice is replaced by some kind of knocking.

Tonight, the last thing she remembers is green on black. The black of the night, the black of his suit. 

The black of her vision as it fades out.

She wakes up with a start, her tears flowing before she could stop them.

"He... he didn't... and I..."

She's jolted from the dream world entirely as the napping on her window starts again.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry that this chapter was so short! it was in my drafts and i really needed to finish it because ao3 was going to delete it... and unfortunately, i lost the doc i was keeping it in so i just wrote the rest of the chapter on the spot.


End file.
